Well, it is done and there is no going back now.  I had gastric bypass last week.

I worked 15 hours on Memorial Day and was completely exhausted. We checked in at 5 am the next day, had surgery, and was to my room by 8:45 am. I was the first surgery of the day and the easiest by his report. All I remember is laughing at the adorable anesthesiologist and getting centered on the very small surgical table. Seriously though, itty bitty surgical table...bypass on large people....bad idea.  Hubby also reported that I was trying to grab the walls as they were wheeling me from post-op to my room. Strange. I vaguely remember that little bit.

When I actually could think clearly, I began to question myself. Why me? Why in the hell did I do this? Does everyone hurt this bad? Did something go wrong? None of the above. I was in some nasty horrible pain and just having regrets. Everything went great and I was experiencing the normal amount of pain. A good friend of mine said the pain was worse than labor! I didnt really have anything to compare it to except for a sinus surgery. It was not incisional pain, but stomach muscle and pain with the drain coming out of my right side. And gas pain! Lord, I have never had gas pain....holy crap! I thought I was having a heart attack. No amount of simethicone (gas drops) could fix that pain. I had to walk, walk, and walk and take the meds as soon as I could have them.

I actually only had 1 legit breakdown. I honestly expected more. It was awful. I called for pain meds so I could get up and walk around and prayed that the meds would help. Well, I waited, waited, and waited. 2 hours. I was not a happy camper. I understand the nurses on the floor that I was on, have a number of patients. But, really....2 hours?!?!? So, when my nurse comes in and asks about my pain, I just lose it. Bad. Lost it for a good 20 minutes while he was standing there watching me. Very irritating. But, probably making sure my crazy ass doesn't hyperventilate because I  was on my way to hyperventilation.

Anywho, I was discharged after 2 days. Home was nice. My bed, not so nice. I never realized how much I use my stomach muscles to get out of bed. Ouch! It was tricky; trying not to cry getting out of bed, taking a much needed shower, picking up my cell phone charger that I dropped on the floor. I survived. I survived, because I have an amazing hubby that does anything I ask. Almost anything.

Now that I am roughly 10 days post-op, I am getting more comfortable, figuring out what foods I can and can not tolerate, and realizing that the weight comes off faster than I would ever believe. As of Wednesday, I am down 20lbs and my blood pressure was normal without any medications! Yoh see that....normal! And, 20lbs! Holy crap! It worked! I'm on my way!

Just a little disclaimer for you little readers, when you are bigger your whole life you begin to question if anything will work. It did. I'm alive. I'm very happy that I have started my journey. My life is beginning once again!

If you have naturally curly hair....EMBRACE IT...don't fight it. I repeat, DO NOT FIGHT THE CURLY HAIR!

You will soon find out that I LOVE my curly hair.I did not realize that I had naturally curly hair until about 2004....I was in my 20s. Ridiculous, I KNOW.  I thought I just had a little wave and that my perms....yes....perms....lasted a long time. Hey, don't judge me. I grew up in the 80s and 90s.  Big hair, Elenett and Rave hairspray, side ponies...we rocked that shit!

I was in nursing school and a friends mom started cutting my hair. She thought i was crazy because i didnt realize what my hair could be. She made me realize how curly my hair is. She started teaching me how to style and take care of it. I LOVE my Jane! And suddenly, the mane was"born". 

I see so many women (or men)straighten, blow out their would be so beautiful curly hair, or just simply do not take care it..... and I just cringe.  There is no need to blow that shit out all the time. Give you hair some much needed rest and let it out of the cage! Yes, your hair will be frizzy and somewhat crazy at first, but once you learn some Curly Girl Rules, your mane will also be born. The following rules are what I have learned over the years.

Curly hair rules that I live by:

Condition, condition, condition.
Do not wash everyday. ( I know it may seem gross, but it helps)
Do not blow dry without a diffuser.
Do not go crazy towel drying with a regular towel. Use a terry cloth towel or one of those head wrap thingys. I purchased mine at CVS.
Find a stylist that knows what the hell they are doing with curly hair.The wrong cut will scar you for life and make you hate your curls.
Experiment with different products. I use many different ones to achieve what I want. (Sometimes it is a beast on to its own, though). Just accept it and move on.
Try not to bleach, because it will get even dryer. 
Deep condition at least once a week.
Do not "play" with your hair. The more you touch it, the more you will look like Animal from the Muppets. (I have been know to look and act like this at times)

I get on blogs, and read how tos and what not. Read all you can....something may not work for one person, but may work for you.

Here are some products that have worked wonders for me. Some are higher end and some are drugstore. There is also a picture below of some of them. 

Ouidad climate control gel
Ouidad moisture shampoo and conditioner
Moroccan oil light serum
L'Oreal curling mousse
L'Oreal curling cream
Biolage Gelee
Biolage hydration shampoo and conditioner
Garnier anti-frizz serum (great product if you are balling on a budget like me)
Moroccan oil hair mask
Prive conditioning hair treatment

I have made a decision. A decision to make my life better. A decision that will hopefully bring me much happiness. A decision that will help me become healthier. A decision that will influence the rest of my life.

I have decided to get a gastric bypass.

I have struggled with being overweight my entire life. I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, acid reflux,  pcos, and often a case of...I'm too fat to do that shit today.  I'm at the point in my life where I want to have children, be healthier, be able to play and run around with them, and want to be confident in myself.

My health is my main concern. If I want to have babies, I have to be healthier. I have quit smoking, watch what i eat, and have recently gone gluten free. I've messed up a bit, with being gluten free, here and there and then feel like crap for a few days, but hop right back on that GF wagon.  I have tried every diet known to man and have cried myself to sleep many nights wondering why this fat won't  budge and leave! I have overeaten, I've been embarrassed to eat out or at family functions, and have gone days without eating thinking maybe it will magically disappear. Clearly, I'm a wee bit delusional. At times, I envy the "skinny" people. In contrast, at times I don't give a crap.

I love (eyerolls),the skinny people that say "just work out", "don't eat so much", blah, blah, freakin blah. Few tidbits for the "friends" that think that....you can work out 7 days a week for hours at a time and you will lose the weight.  I could starve myself and still be overweight. I could do everything right, and still not lose a pound. I could do this or that and still be the big girl with fabulous hair.  The stereotypes that certain people give to other certain people are insulting, degradating, disrespectful, and just full of shit. If you are the bully or bullies that have walked past a happy big girl with fabulous hair  and have called that said big girl a "fat bitch"...

Shame. On. You. You don't know her story, you don't know what has happened to her, mind your own dang business and bully your other bully friends you jerk! If this has happened to you, you know what I'm talking about. It stings.  Hard. It is enraging. It is embarrassing. It is hard on the heart. And, just makes you want to cry. Then you have these wonderful friends that say "Who? What did they say? Which ones? We will beat them up". Great. That may make me all giddy inside for a few minutes, but not change the ignorance that these bullies possess. I could go on and on about all the assholes that I have encountered in my 35 years on this Earth. I remember every single one of them. Really, I do.

Many of my friends know that my surgical date is fastly approaching. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm giddy. I'm worried. Every single emotion you can think of is flooding my soon to be scrambled up insides. Im sure it will only get worse as the date gets closer. I know the risks. I know the rewards. I want kids and this is what I'm doing to get there.

I have been thinking a bit about the differences in generation and how people conduct themselves.

I was born in 1979. I don't remember a lot about the 80s, but the 90s....was my jam.  I had a cellphone that was size of my head, I  listened to Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Silverchair, and I was high school student that worked 2 jobs. My parents taught me a great lesson that I will hopefully pass on to my future little monsters.....you don't get anywhere in life unless you work for it.

If you have read my earlier posts, you will know that I am the oldest of 4 girls. My parents worked their butts off to give us everything. My dad worked for the County roads department and farmed. My mom went to college, tried to keep us girls in line, and worked other jobs. I credit my multitasking ability to that woman! I don't really know how she handled college, 4 girls, a farmer husband, and an outside job. They did what the needed to to provide for us. All four of us girls worked when we were in high school. That is what we were expected to do.

I saw a young lady on the news this morning and her story made my blood boil. The young lady is suing her parents for tuition and living expenses. She moved out because she mad. When this child didn't follow their rules and lived under their roof. Really? I mean most of us disobeyed our parents here or there, but sue them? Come on. Get a job, apply for student loans, and act like an adult since you so obviously don't want to be a teenager. I would never think about doing that to my parents. It is ridiculous. I really hope that I am not the only person thinking these things.

I also can't handle Teen Mom. Ugh. I've tried to watch it a few times to see what all the fuss was about. In the few episodes that I saw, there was a lot of yelling at parents or being angry with them for not helping raise their children that they made. I am not a mother and I do have friends that were teen moms, so dont take the following wrong....take responsibility for what you made and patent/take care of your child. Yes, people need help and there is nothing wrong with asking for it or giving that help.  But to be pissed at your parents, because they won't watch your children. Come on.

I get so aggrevated with situations like the above. I don't know why. It is not like I can actually do something about it. What I can do is pass along my morals, my values, and my work ethics to my future children.

Other than inner beauty, skin care is the most important part of being beautiful. You may the most beautiful modelesque woman and have the most horrible skin under all the face paste. Taking care of your face should  be more important than the makeup you buy.

You only have one face, so take care of it.

I didn't start out taking as good of care of my face as I should have. I have dry, combo, acne prone skin. Big thank you to the family genes and being a woman. I have used the cheapest, the cutesiest, and most popular TV brands. Most are crap products or not the right products for what I really needed. I grew up using Clearasil, Clean & Clear, ProActive, Neutrogena, Avon, and any other drugstore brand you can think of. I have also seen a dermatologistand that was a big mistake.  Everything dried out may face and made me a wee bit scaley.

Fast foward a few years.....I finally saw an Esthetician.

About 6 months before I got married, my skin went bezerk! We had just moved (1200 miles) to another state, started new jobs, and I was just plain stressed out all the time. I was using my dermatologist prescribed products that seems to suck every bit of moisture out of my skin. Big mistake. She (lovely esthetician whom is married to a Nebraska man) told me that my skin was very dry and needed some serious hydration. So, like any other junkie, I spent a crap load of money on a few ounces of products. Decleor. Beautiful and lovely smelling skin care products that come with a hefty price. They performed very well and I still use the oil. Yes, I said oil. Oils are good for your skin. No, not canola or 5W-30. Legit, skin oils. Like, Decleor, Josie Maran, or Garnier.  In reality, they were great products and worked well for my skin. And again, like any other junkie, I just decided to try other new things. 

I tend to spend a bit of money on skin care.

I never buy a product without doing the research on it. In part, this comes from the musings of my husband. He is a nerd. He researches everything before he buys it and has instilled this very important quality in me. I am grateful for this quality. I could have wasted thousands of dollars on crap products that are just hyped up. I read blogs, read reviews,  read complete product descriptions, and YouTube all of it. The later is my favorite. A blogger that I absolutely live is Caroline Hirons. I caught her on the Pixiwoo blog. She is a skin guru from the UK. She is funny, very informative, and knows her stuff. Pixiwoo.....my favorite makeup artists, also from the UK.

Oh, most importantly, i sample the products first, if I can.

I have a 3 drawer organizer that has a dedicated 2 drawers to samples. One of those is skin care samples that i have received from purchases at Sephora, Ulta, or any department store that I frequent. The other is new makeup stuffs. If you are thinking about a new skin care product that is available through a makeup counter, ask for a sample. Any great sales person will gladly give you a sample that tailors to what you need and a generous enough sample to give it a thorough go.

Keep your receipts.

This goes with any beauty related purchase. I keep them for skin care, hair care, and makeup. Why keep a product when it breaks you out, doesn't perform the way it claims, or is simply doesn't work for you?

Below is a picture of my current and favorite skin care products. This is on my sink in the bathroom. The gorgeous mirror is an antique from one of my grandmothers. I have everything right there, so I can not have an excuse to not use them!