Dialysis nurse

I have been in the wonderful world of dialysis for a little over 5 years. If you dont know what dialysis is.....when your kidneys do not work due to high blood pressure or diabetes (most common), you have to have some way to get rid of all the crap that you would usually urinate. We take care of that. Kind of an oil change for your blood. Google it.

I didn't set out to be in the specialty, it just kind of....happened. I was a RN in a nursing home for a number of years. I started out as a CNA and worked my way up. In the nursing home where I worked, we had a dialysis unit attached.  I had some knowledge of the specialty, but nothing prepared me for the the ringing, the alarms going off, the patients complaints, the sickness, or just the number of phone calls that I deal with on a daily basis.

My day starts out with hurdling out of bed at 4am, getting ready for work (perfected at less than 15 minutes), and putting the pedal to the metal to get my butt to my clinic 40 miles away by 5 am.  During this intense 40 mile drive, I am going over the daily agenda in my head. This agenda consists of daily calls, patient run times, who works what times, what doctor is rounding. And the constant worry about how my day is going to go.

I really love being a nurse and what I do, but it is hard on a person. Hard on me physically and mentally. Oh, can't forget, hard on the heart, too.  Healthcare in general is a hard field. In dialysis, your days can be long to extremely long. My short shifts are 8-9 hours. My long shifts are 14-17 hours.  I am a perfectionist in the majority of things I do (ask my coworkers) and this rolls heavily into dialysis nursing. Especially, if I'm in charge of something; like a vaccination program. Your team has to be a TEAM. It doesn't work if you can't work with someone. There are many days where i could pull my hair out and many where we have good, productive, and fun days.

Yes, I said fun! Imagine sitting in a recliner ( not a comfortable one) for 3.5-4.5 hours 3 days a week and feeling like poop majority of days. We have to be fun and have a sense of humor. Our patients need it. We need it.

By the end of the day, usually 9 pm, I'm completely exhausted, but still have a 40 minute drive home. I usually call my momma to pass the time, but am often worrying about what I didn't get done, if I missed something, if i made the right deciaion about something, did i do everything right, or if one of my patients in the hospital is doing ok. By the time I get home, I can barely scrape myself out of car. I'm mostly melting out of the car the way a slinky goes down the steps. Maybe. Strange analogy? Best one I can think of.  Then trying to go to sleep is a challenge at times. My mind is going, my legs are going, and I often think....well, I'm wide awake....what else can I get done today. Crazy huh?

I have a big heart and genuinely care for my patients. This can also be a downfall. We take things to heart and  wear that heart on our sleeves. The slightest thing can set me off and just plain piss me off for a few hours. At times, people (in general) drive me batshit crazy. I drive myself batshit cray cray.

Our patients pick up on more than you would think. What would you do for 4 hours being hooked up to a machine? They know when we are angry when we are annoyed with another staff member, or if we are having a good or bad day. I think in nursing we all have the days where we question why we decideded to become nurses.  Especially after a particularly shitty day. I do it often. Although, I don't know what I would do without it in my  life. 

Overall, I enjoy what I do. It challenges me. It drains me. It keeps me moving. I makes my heart happy.

Well, it is done and there is no going back now.  I had gastric bypass last week.

I worked 15 hours on Memorial Day and was completely exhausted. We checked in at 5 am the next day, had surgery, and was to my room by 8:45 am. I was the first surgery of the day and the easiest by his report. All I remember is laughing at the adorable anesthesiologist and getting centered on the very small surgical table. Seriously though, itty bitty surgical table...bypass on large people....bad idea.  Hubby also reported that I was trying to grab the walls as they were wheeling me from post-op to my room. Strange. I vaguely remember that little bit.

When I actually could think clearly, I began to question myself. Why me? Why in the hell did I do this? Does everyone hurt this bad? Did something go wrong? None of the above. I was in some nasty horrible pain and just having regrets. Everything went great and I was experiencing the normal amount of pain. A good friend of mine said the pain was worse than labor! I didnt really have anything to compare it to except for a sinus surgery. It was not incisional pain, but stomach muscle and pain with the drain coming out of my right side. And gas pain! Lord, I have never had gas pain....holy crap! I thought I was having a heart attack. No amount of simethicone (gas drops) could fix that pain. I had to walk, walk, and walk and take the meds as soon as I could have them.

I actually only had 1 legit breakdown. I honestly expected more. It was awful. I called for pain meds so I could get up and walk around and prayed that the meds would help. Well, I waited, waited, and waited. 2 hours. I was not a happy camper. I understand the nurses on the floor that I was on, have a number of patients. But, really....2 hours?!?!? So, when my nurse comes in and asks about my pain, I just lose it. Bad. Lost it for a good 20 minutes while he was standing there watching me. Very irritating. But, probably making sure my crazy ass doesn't hyperventilate because I  was on my way to hyperventilation.

Anywho, I was discharged after 2 days. Home was nice. My bed, not so nice. I never realized how much I use my stomach muscles to get out of bed. Ouch! It was tricky; trying not to cry getting out of bed, taking a much needed shower, picking up my cell phone charger that I dropped on the floor. I survived. I survived, because I have an amazing hubby that does anything I ask. Almost anything.

Now that I am roughly 10 days post-op, I am getting more comfortable, figuring out what foods I can and can not tolerate, and realizing that the weight comes off faster than I would ever believe. As of Wednesday, I am down 20lbs and my blood pressure was normal without any medications! Yoh see that....normal! And, 20lbs! Holy crap! It worked! I'm on my way!

Just a little disclaimer for you little readers, when you are bigger your whole life you begin to question if anything will work. It did. I'm alive. I'm very happy that I have started my journey. My life is beginning once again!